Guardian Angels News

So I ask myself – what does that mean to me? I never really gave it much thought, as may be true for many people whose lives do not intersect with it, or with the reality of people living with Alzheimer’s or brain conditions. That was the case with me – until things changed. I had been an only child from the age of 20 on, after the death of my brother.  Not such a big deal until both I and my parents got older.

Through my father, I learned up close and much too personal, the upsetting and disturbing ways dementia can present itself. The first inkling that my Dad had developed Dementia (a condition similar to Alzheimer’s) was when, after years of covering up for him, my mother confessed to me that she was afraid of my father, who was getting so angry. That stopped me in my tracks. First of all, my Dad was basically gentle and mild-mannered as far back as I could remember – certainly my mom was mistaken.  She was surprised too! Secondly, my mom hadn’t ever expressed being afraid, that I could recall. 

So, we watched my dad closely, and listened to my mom, and lo and behold there were great changes happening in him. The most obvious change was that he would repeat himself, over and over and over, until my mom feared they would lose all their friends. Senior moments, yes – but, dementia? Who knew? Then he would get lost driving around in his car, which was always scary because he couldn’t use a cell phone, so we never knew where he was or how to find him. When my mom tried to hide his keys to keep him safe – he angrily looked and looked and shouted until, against all odds he found them again.

One day he had a prolonged “mini-stroke” – of which he had been experiencing many, unbeknownst to us – when we called the ambulance to take him to the hospital, where we finally learned about Dementia from “T.I.A. strokes.” Apparently, this type of Dementia tends to cause drastic personality changes, like in my dad.We watched his slow decline in a memory care facility over three years, where his anger continually blazed, he was verbally cruel to my mom, he could only carry on a one-way conversation (his talking) – he was a completely different person.

Finally, I had to let go of my “old dad,” and communicate with him as a new version. Then I could accept him and adapt to his new needs, rather than expecting him to respond to thing the way he used to. It was the same with my mom, but she had to overlook the hurtful things he said to her. In the end we had to love him as he was (not as we wished he was) and find some entertainment value in it. Whatever he said was true in his eyes, so we entered into his reality with him, calming him some.

With my mom I learned the financial and bureaucratic aspects of caring for someone in memory care – not knowing how long she would live (with Alzheimer’s we heard it could be quite long, even is already old), how could her finances hold out for her, how to advocate medically, how to gain control of her assets so as to manage them while she could not – it was truly overwhelming. Especially as an only child.

So Alzheimer’s and Dementia and brain issues are not for the faint of heart! But luckily God was with me, giving me strength, guiding me to the right people to talk with, finding support for me in all of this. At first I would find myself saying, “This is the worst trick God could ever play on us!” Then I learned to recognize God and beauty and meaning in the smallest things and to appreciate my parents as they were, happy to be there for them.

Our GA Caregivers Support Group made a whole lot more sense to me once I had gone through my own bumpy journey with my parents! It helps to talk with folks who understand how hard this is, yet how we are blessed in the caring for our loved ones. If any of this resonates with you, you might want to come to one of our support group meetings to try it for yourself.

And wear purple during June to raise awareness of Alzheimer’s and brain health. If you are so inclined, or touched by Alzheimer’s yourself, you may want to donate to the Alzheimer’s Association on June 21 – the longest day of the year – in honor of those walking through the darkness of memory loss.

Loving God, please be with and comfort and assure those who experience their life changing through memory loss or brain issues.

Help them to feel your presence during this disturbing transformation.

Holy Spirit please guide those caregivers for loved ones experiencing these things, guiding them, advising them, strengthening them.

And for people whose lives have not yet been touched by someone with memory loss or brain issues, may we see these folks who make us uncomfortable, smile at them, not be afraid to speak to them and make them laugh, and wear purple throughout June.

~ Amen